OK I know, you have seen this picture before. It's just that this is the picture on my screen saver and I looked at it tonight and thought about time. This picture was taken this year, 4th of July. It's actually a really good picture of us. I love it. It seems like it was taken years ago and in a completely different life. In reality it's been a little over 3 months. I guess that I'm settling into my life here. That picture seems almost like a different life and a different time. Zack, a tomodachi (friend), asked this evening if I thought that my apartment was home. I had to reply that it was starting to feel that way. I've done a few things to make it more cozy and I actually look forward to being there after a day of work. I really couldn't imagine calling it home 2 months ago. The loft in San Diego was home. For those that have been there, it is rather cool and amazing. I love the loft. But now, 3 months in, the loft feels like another life. I miss it, yet it's not accessible to me. It's like I've had to adapt and accept that my small apartment is home. I've had to make it home. It's weird to look at the past and realize that it's not that far in the past. My life has been uprooted and just transplanted to another part of the world. I have friends, almost instantly b/c other JETs new to the area feel the need to connect. So it's strange in a way. I like it here, but thinking about the past seems strange. Thinking about the future seems even stranger. I'm a part of this community, yet I'm not. I'm gaijin. That makes a huge difference. This is home, yet it's not. We have already received information regarding recontracting for another year. It's scary to contimplate the options. What do you go back to? What life is here? I think I am rambling in a semi-tipsy state. This is a hard time of year for the newbies. Home lingers, yet feels so removed. Time seems to be passing quickly and life still seems very surreal and dreamlike. I wonder when I will wake from the dream and figure it all out????? Countdown to Rich's arrival; one week. I've avoided counting as long as possible, but I think that it's time to count.
OK, I just reread this post and had to comment again. I know, I shouldn't talk this way. I could be sitting in a cubical and have no real decisions to make in my life. I could be in a very mundane situation and wishing my life was exciting. It's just that when I start to think deeply about my options, I realize that this month I will be turning 31. If I stay here for the entire 3 years, I will be 33 and a half when my contract is up. What will I be returning to? Long distance relationships are hard, but 3 years is a super challenge. What kind of job will I expect or want to have when I leave? This is all too much to think about since I've only been here for a short period of time. I understand that JET must start pushing these questions upon us now. It's just that they make me think too much about my age and time. I hate thinking about those 2 topics. Live for the moment.....Rich's motto. Trying to, but reality is knocking on dreams door.
Lots of deep thoughts Baby...I know this whole experience has been very lost in translation but it will be something you will never forget. I can't wait to see you ....Oh and I am first to post!!!
ReplyDeleteDamn you Richard!
ReplyDeleteVery deep post Mercedes and quite thought provoking... You made ME start re-evaluating and I'm not even in a situation... or am I?
I think that you're asking those questions, or at least acknowledging them is an important first step toward resolving them.
Remember that while questions may be forced upon you on a timeline you may not choose, you don't have to make any decisions until you're ready. Take your time, search your soul, and the answers will come.
I have faith in you, you're an amazingly strong woman who has come through a lot... Whatever your choices in life, it'll only serve to make you stronger and a better person in the long run... keep your head up and I'll see you soon.
Wow. That sure is a lot to think about, Mercedes. But, just the fact that you are contemplating it so deeply gives me the confidence that you will figure it all out and make the decisions that are right for you. You have a lot going on right now, each thing adding a new layer to the stress. How long do you have until you have to decide about recontracting? My unsolicited suggestion would be to try not to think too much about it for little while and try to clear your head a little bit and just enjoy the moment. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to come up with all the answers before you're ready. It will come to you. You will know what to do. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments. Didn't mean to get all deep. The deadline is Feb. 3, but it's the hot topic among JETS right now b/c they just gave us the timeline for when things are due. Future posts will remain light and upbeat as usual. Just had to air my thoughts on it though.
ReplyDeleteMy vote is that you stay at least another year (Rich and Fausta will probably hate me for writing that) - I saw Fausta last night and she seemed excited about the idea of posting comments on your blog like "come back!" :) But in seriousness, I agree with everybody else - take your time in determining whether you want to remain so you can experience more of Nihon or whether you believe you will have had your fill and will be ready to come back to America.
ReplyDeleteI think you'll find that one of the greatest things about living in another country is that it gives you the confidence to know you can do anything, anywhere, at any time. In time you'll see that dreams and reality don't have to be such different things. If you're enjoying what you're doing and still love the learning everyday, stay. When that stops, it'll be time to come home.
ReplyDeleteI'd flip a coin. The coin never lies.
ReplyDelete